News, Politics, Religion, Entertainment, Gossip and Opinion for Thinking Folks
From the monthly archives:
Former Chevron board member and evil cohort, Condoleezza Rice, will be out of a job on January 20, 2009. Rob Lowe’s nanny quit in February and is suing the former sex video star for harassing her.
Rice and Rob met at the Washington Correspondents’ Dinner in D.C. on Saturday. She’s one hot bitch. So’s Condi.
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in hot messes, hotties, money, politics, power, sex, world affairsO Science, wonderful science! London researchers are looking for volunteers for a dark chocolate research test on the effects of eating a “super-charged” chocolate bar containing 30 grams of flavonoids… while the others get chocolate “without the active compounds.” They want to see if it can reduce the risk of heart disease.
Don’t believe labels from manufacturers like Hershey, who are now putting out health-friendly dark chocolates — Hershey chocolate is still dreck. Bad chocolate sticks to your teeth; good chocolate will just melt in your mouth and disappear, leaving you wanting more. If you’re going to eat chocolate, eat the good stuff.
I put a sprinkle of cocoa powder (without sugar) into my coffee (before brewing). My cousin gave me some “brut chocolate” powder, which is around 86% dark, and it’s amazing on strawberries too. Or to perk up that utterly unsatisfying yogurt that helps digestion. I use a lot of cocoa powder in my chili — and it’s totally delicious.
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in food, health, legends, medicineSartorially splendid Afghan prez Hamid Karzai survived another assassination attempt by those wacky Taliban (the fourth known attempt). It’s been 8 years since the Taliban were toppled after refusing to give up some 9/11 plotters. It was Jay Leno’s wife, Mavis, who protested the Taliban’s horrific treatment of Afghani women that really did ‘em in, and popularized the phrase “gender apartheid.”
I’m glad they didn’t get Karzai. Look at that outfit! My grandmother had a sofa with nearly the identical pattern. In 1968, mixing turquoise, avocado and purple was a seriously big deal. Hamid kicks the caped crusader look up a notch with a posh fez, tilted with the perfect insouciance.
Karzai’s father was assassinated by Taliban agents in 1999. This former Mujahideen isn’t gonna have any of that! Watch for a big push to further disinfect Afghanistan from Taliban vermin using American firepower, which will also help bolster sagging American companies, like Halliburton.* And look for more chic ensembles from Hamid — like this one!
*The arrival of Dick Cheney as CEO in 1995 was, by far, the best decision Halliburton ever made. Under Cheney’s tenure as CEO, Halliburton’s revenue from federal government contracts nearly doubled. Government-backed loans from the Export-Import bank increased from $100 million to $1.5 billion. The company became the 18th-largest defense contractor, in terms of revenue, whereas before Cheney’s arrival, the company was the 73rd largest contractor.
Halliburton saw its revenue increase 30 percent to $16 billion in 2003, largely because of its military contracts in the middle east. Halliburton was the number one U.S. Army contractor in 2003 with the total value of its Army contracts valued at $3,731,725,648. Dan Briody, in his book The Halliburton Agenda, described Halliburton’s relationship with Cheney as “the embodiment of the Iron Triangle, the nexus of the government, military, and big business that President Eisenhower warned America about in his farewell speech.”
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in hot messes, politics, style, world affairs
Since her 1964 debut, Cher has sold over 200 million records as a solo artist and another 75 million as half of Sonny and Cher. She’ll be 62 in May. Her daughter Chastity is 39.
Now Oprah’s getting in on the act. It’s amazing how Oprah Winfrey can jump back and forth from frothy, primetime humanitarianism to sheer high camp frivolity. Oprah hooks up with the tongue-wiggling wonder on her May 8th show — so mark your calendars now.
Oh, and while your calendar is out — over 700 people are expected at Caesars Palace in Las Vegas for the Cher Convention on Aug. 11th and 12th, including dozens of Cher lookalikes (including all the Chers seen above). It’s a Cherapalooza! The Cher on the right is the nearly inimitable real one, but you knew that.
The convention is also a fundraiser for the Childrens Craniofacial Association — and Cher is the national spokesperson, something she’s worked on since “Mask.”
Cher is the organization’s most generous supporter.
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in charity, hot messes, legends, lookalikesI’m a shopper. I love to shop, I don’t care for what. It’s how I get my exercise. No sweaty, smelly, germ-laden gymnasiums for me. Give me endless aisles of quality goods at discount outlet prices, and I’m getting my fitness quotient for the day. But this rice shortage is working my nerves.
Just the other day I saw some talking head on TV going on about the coming food and water shortages, saying that future generations in the West would never know the abundance we’ve known; and it got me to thinking how much more I could do without (I already think of myself as conservation-minded). I mean, look at those fierce Mormon fundamentalist wives who manage to look so striking by foregoing makeup, purses, and a decent conditioner. Surely I could give up having six different moisturizers, and make do with just three.
I suppose I could give up, say, lovely star-shaped Post-Its (I’ve never gotten to the last Post-It in a pad, have you?), the obscene amount of paper towels I use, and Chiclets (gum is bad anyway, it’s illegal in Singapore). My dad came from the Depression era, so I was trained in the horrors of waste. Still, I feel a little wistful as the blind era of American plenty draws to a nearly ruinous close.
My angst makes me want to shop.
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in food, green, world affairsHere’s one of the worst characters in the world — in a lovely gabardine shmata and flouncy gauze cape, after “voting.” That stylish left arm pose is because a tape recorder exploded near him in a 1981 assassination attempt.
He’s Iran’s kicky supreme religious leader, Ayatollah Sayed Ali Khamenei — whose hobbies include translating extremist Islamic theory from the Egyptian, torturing journalists, and ordering the execution of homosexual males. And you thought I was bitchy.
Last September, the nattily murderous theologian predicted that George W. Bush would one day be tried in an international criminal court to be held “accountable” for the invasion of Iraq.
Every once in a while, one of these reprehensible bastards makes a little sense. How do you solve a problem like Khamenei?
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in hot messes, maniacs, morons, religionScientology’s wackadoodle spokeshetero, Tom Cruise, has agreed to jump on Oprah’s couch again next week, declaring his love for prisoner Katie, alien life form Suri, and of course, himself.
Get ready for another hour of crazed laughter, vacant stares and fawning! Jump for joy! Jump for Xenu! Meanwhile, his stupid Hitler movie was delayed… again. Just what the world needs, another Hitler movie.
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in chat shows, hot messes, morons, religion, wrecksIn a shocking reversal of two lower court decisions, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the 7th Circuit said that a Naperville, IL student who wants to wear an anti-gay shirt to school that says “Be Happy, Not Gay” has a right to do so. Oh, for the love of Christ!
Naturally, this decision was handed down by a hateful, conservative Reagan appointee, Judge Richard Posner, who offered the pithy, “People do not have a legal right to prevent criticism of their beliefs or for that matter their way of life.” Of course they don’t, putz, but not in school! The school has an obligation to place limits on what is acceptable within their walls.
If any other group were chastened by a t-shirt, surely it would not be tolerated. Do you think that asshole judge would for one minute allow a t-shirt that said, “Be Happy, Not Christian” or “Be Happy, Not Hetero”?
Still more reasons to hate Reagan while he burns in hell.
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in haters, legal, moronsWhat is America’s fascination with whoredom? We heard endlessly about disgraced NY Governor Eliot Spitzer’s “Girl Gone Wild” $4K-a-pop Jersey hooker, and we’ve been hearing about Heidi Fleiss for almost 15 years.
That’s Heidi’s mugshot from her February arrest on possession of illegal prescription drugs and driving under the influence. Now she’ll turn that bust into a stint on “Celebrity Rehab,” where, in a clear sign of the Apocalypse being just down the street buying some crack, she’ll try to get clean.
There are few things more entertaining than the folly of pimps and whores; television executives just love ‘em! You want to make it in the business? Start pimping, fucking for a fee and popping pills. It’s a sure ticket to superstardom! Or death in drug-addled obscurity. One or the other.
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in drugs, hos, reality tvLord Andrew Lloyd Webber, and “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” star, Charles Laughton. 
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in american idol, lookalikes
"If the phone doesn't ring, it's me.”
--Jimmy Buffett
