The red Queen, Betty Deuce, took her act to Surrey to open a new college campus there.

That little pin on her dress is a Cartier flower basket, a gift to Princess Elizabeth from King George VI and Queen Elizabeth on the birth of Prince Chuck, November 14, 1948.

Here she is with baby Chuck, the future king. She’s wearing the pin.

Here we go with the stories about Prince Willy and Kate’s spawn to be, with a screaming Globe header claiming that the emaciated Duchess of Anorexidge has had a miscarriage, an heir-raising tale! But forget that… look at the other story!

America’s own Princess, Caroline Kennedy Schlossberg (yep) has rescued “cousin Maria from divorce hell” — and you know that’s the truth!

Ivanka Trump has given The Donald a new granddaughter, named Arabella Kushner (dad is publishing scion Jared Kushner). Mazel Tov!

Arabella was also the name given to Jacqueline and John F. Kennedy’s stillborn first child, buried at Arlington.

That adorable 2-year-old, seen here in 1928, is one of the most famous women in the world…

That’s right, it’s Betty Deuce!

Her majesty, 85, wore yellow on Tuesday to the annual Garden Party at Buckingham Palace, and a generous helping of rouge.

She hasn’t changed a bit.

Marcus Adams, Getty

In addition to having been fined $100,000 for his anti-gay slur, Kobe Bryant has to play the remainder of the season with his face hidden, as seen last night in a quarterfinal game against the Hornets.

Hornets won.

Oh, and Kobe, now making his second tour of contrition, recorded an anti-hate speech PSA, which you can see here.

I’ve been told that I need to publish more internet-friendly content to increase traffic.

Okay. Here.

   <—obligatory smiley

Jayne Mansfield, who died at age 34 in a 1967 car accident, would have been a grandmother today… her daughter, TV star Mariska Hargitay, 47, and actor husband Peter Hermann adopted a baby girl, Armaya Josephine, joining brother named August, 4.

It’s not true that Mansfield was decapitated in the accident, in which her car went under a tractor-trailer, although her skull was crushed. A picture of a blonde wig near the crash site led people to believe that she lost her noggin.

After Jayne’s death, an “underride guard” was required on all tractor-trailers, and is widely known as a Mansfield bar. Jayne would have turned 78 on April 19th.

Nice chair.

Betty Deuce as seen on her way to a church service in West Newton to celebrate the 59th anniversary of her accession to the throne (also the anniversary of the death of her pops, King George VI), and celebrated Teletubby Tinky Winky.

Can you tell which one is the queen?

Indigo/Getty

Two tots were found in an old steamer trunk in the basement of a Westlake District apartment building in Los Angeles — believed to have been there for about 80 years. The macabre memorabilia included ticket stubs to the closing ceremonies of the 1932 Olympics. It’s going to be difficult for investigators to track down relatives of the mummified babies… and who put them in the trunk.

And now, Bobby Mann and Shari Famous with “Roid Rogers and the Whirling Butt Cherries” — Who Put Timmy in the Trash?!

KTLA

In the panoply of mind-fuckingly annoying Americana, the Daisy songs take the sour cream cake. But not for this tot.

This could be proof that there’s some type of subliminal programming in those commercials.