Are you watching “RuPaul’s Drag Race” on Logo? Marlo Thomas isn’t on it, but she was at the 2012 Drama League of New York “Musical Celebration of Broadway” Benefit at The Pierre Hotel last night.

That girl is 74.

If you’ve ever wondered where Camilla gets all those marvelous ill-fitting garments (like the one she has on), wonder no more. The Duchess of Cornwall was spotted browsing the aisles at Trinity Hospice charity book and clothes shop on Wednesday.

The Duchess’ gorgeousness was slightly upstaged by a necktie peacock wall decoration.

Cam also browsed the books in search of a vintage hair mechanics manual, but found none. Obviously.

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Have you ever wondered how the Duchess of Alba always looks so fabulously beautiful? Probably not, but here’s how they do it.

These wild clippy things are attached to Cayetana’s hair, giving her that extra curl that brings out her sex appeal… making her appeal to her new husband for sex.

The effect is at once stunning and deadening in its utter magnificence!

for Janet Cunningham

One of these days, Callista!

Newt says he wants to colonize the moon! He must be lobbying for the space industry!

Send them both on their way!

Graphic by Ben for Chexydecimal

This curious headline greeted AOL mail users this morning.

Right.

Oh the horror of it all. Demi Moore, who hasn’t eaten since 2011, is now hospitalized after a bad reaction to nitrous oxide. If you’re going to use whip-its at age 49, you really should consider at least a nutritional breakfast. Or a power snack.

Meanwhile, Ashton is caught in a flood while visiting with models in Sao Paulo. That can’t be fun. Having your pick of the most beautiful women while nearly 40% of Brazil lives below the poverty line has to put a crimp in your biscuit.

Breaking up is hard to do.

In 1957, Modern Mechanix said that within ten years we’d be driving to work in these.

I guess they meant fedoras.

I’m going to make a prediction. Within 10 years, you’ll drive your iPhone36 to work.

Carole Cook, 84, appeared last night at the Paley Center’s screening of the Carol Channing film, “Larger Than Life.” Miss Cook is the star of such kitsch classics as “The Incredible Mr. Limpet” and “Palm Springs Weekend.” She is neither surprised nor startled. She is merely fabulous. Hair by Technicolor. Makeup by Dupont.

“West Side Story” remnant George Chakiris, 77, attempted some type of facial expression. Greek chic! This is a very convincing weave. I’m not sure if he’s about to smile or weep.

Michael Learned, 72, the mom on “The Waltons,” looked relaxed and alert, perhaps shocked, I’m not sure. Goodnight, John Boy.

Conservative Republican Connie Stevens, 73, with a spectacular lipliner fail, with some type of hair that looks like it’s been infiltrated by makeup left on a pillow. Those are not maggots, that’s part of her dress.

The effervescent Ruta Lee, star of 1954′s “Seven Brides for Seven Brothers,” is giving Lithuanian glamour, and a makeup applied with more force than a “Drag Race” contestant. Don’t you just want to kiss her? She always looks like she’s chewing gum. Labas rytas!

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for Matt and Jackie

For those of you who sleep-in on Sundays, you missed Judge Judy being profiled on “CBS Sunday Morning.” Here’s the footage… and get a load of that house!

Don’t judge her.

ty Porgy

Tiger Woods’ ex tore down this $12-million mansion in order to rebuild on the property. I get it.

There are excesses we can all do without, but when one has the resources to effectively follow every whim and desire, it’s understandable why she’d want to tear down a reasonable house to ensure that every fixture and outlet is exactly where she wants them. No one wants a room with inconvenient outlets, let alone 9,000 square feet of rooms with them. Extension cords and power strips are so inelegant.

We all spend money on things we can do without. I’m a collector and single father of an imaginary daughter, so I spend money on chatchka nonsense made possible by disposable income. I like yellow pottery, so I buy it. Some people like bigger houses, so they tear down perfectly good ones. It’s all relative.

These Darfur refugees are not going for pedicures, pre-booking seats at the ArcLight or buying Caramel Brulée Frappucinos at Starbucks. Neither am I… I do have my own personal set of values.

How can I cluck my tongue at Elin Nordegren for laying waste to a $12-million house, while I throw out some minimally expired yogurt? If I had hit the cheating spouse super lotto, would I not be shopping for a larger home for my pottery collection?

Yes, I would. But I think I’d find an existing house that I liked, and just live in it. Unless, of course, the outlets were badly placed.