This unfortunate-looking hooligan is neo-Nazi John Ditullio, 23, accused of murder in Florida, where a judge has ordered that for the duration of his trial, the court will pay up to $150 a day to cover the schmendrick’s face and neck tattoos, so as not to prejudice the jury on his character.
What did he want people to think when he got a swastika tattooed on his neck? That he was into knitting, baking cupcakes and reading Doris Lessing novels?
I know that when I had barbed wire tattoos put on my face, I hoped it would make everyone aware of my love for 19th Century French poetry and my taste for blue crystal vases.
Prosecutors say the covering of the tats allows him to hide the Nazi affiliations they claim drove him to murder, and his own attorneys claim its unnecessary.
Hopefully, some artfully applied Lancome will drive him to something more appropriate, like sales at Nordstrom Rack.
Ditullio is accused of stabbing 17-year-old Kristopher King to death, and attacking Patricia Wells, a neighbor, who claims she was targeted because she invited black friends to her home.
No word on whether they were going to have him shave his beard, so the jury doesn’t think he’s a douchebag.
Entering the courthouse in a confetti shower, Lindsay Lohan was taken into custody to begin serving her 90-day sentence for probation violation.
Osama bin Laden is still at large, but Secretary of State Hillary Clinton thinks the Pakistanis know where the Big O is, as she told muppet Greta van Susteren last night.
Streets in Beverly Hills were cleared to make way for Lindsay Lohan’s lips to enter a courtroom there this morning, where she’s getting millions of dollars worth of free publicity while they determine if she violated her probation.
Several bystanders were injured as her upper lip pushed past a metal detector. One paparazzo was knocked unconscious when Lohan swooped past him. Charges have not yet been filed.
“I’m sick of being in this fuckin’ bathtub,” said the killer whale who killed his trainer yesterday. “How many of you jackasses do I have to drown before you let me back in the ocean?”
Never one to miss a scoop, King asked, “Is this a hat?”
Shiite Muslim men and boys assault themselves with chains and blades in Kabul, Afghanistan during Ashura — a 10-day mourning period for Imam Hussein, who was killed in a battle in Iraq in 680 AD.
Self-flagellation… when you care enough to send the very best.
Falcon Heene and his family did the news media a great favor yesterday, in what’s been an unusually slow news week, by capturing the world’s skeptical attention for a few hours live on TV.
We’ll probably never know if this was a hoax or not. His father, a former actor from Burbank, seems to have a screw not only loose, but missing. The dad’s former landlady was on the local news in Los Angeles, saying how he’d skipped on $6,000 in back rent before moving to Colorado.
This would have been a much better story if Falcon had actually been in the balloon and had crawled out of that contraption when it landed in the field, but we instead have to now contend with the kid’s perplexed assertions that his dad told him “it was for a show.” Kids say the darnedest things!
The family made the “Today” show this morning, where young Falcon vomited during an inquisition by Meredith Vieira, and I can understand that, because I want to do the same every time I hear her speak.
No, the wildly funny in France Jerry Lewis, 83, did not keel over at the end of this year’s Muscular Dystrophy telethon, he’s just trying to catch confetti with his tongue.
In case you missed Charo, who claims to be 58, here she is. If you are Britney Spears, pay especially close attention.
