Reports say that horse-faced horse’s ass and Republican asswipe Ann Coulter broke her jaw and had to have it wired shut. I don’t believe it, but that’s what’s going around.
Ann is best known for spouting her right wing haterade on chat shows, leaving many anxious to shut her up. Apparently someone or something has, but no reports list the cause of her jaw problem, other than that she often flaps it.
If this hateful conservoslag has been silenced, even temporarily, there is yet one more reason to give big thanks this Thanksgiving.
Gubernatorial whore Ashley Dupréfinally got her price — paid by Miss Diane Sawyer on behalf of 20/20 — where the inordinately tanned hooker will flap her lips about her liaisons with horny Luv Guv Eliot Spitzer this Friday on ABC, while dressed for an Amish funeral.
The wannabe singer turned whore (Dupré) snapped her trap shut tight after the scandal blew, but now she’s sucking up to Diane. The interview is sure to go down as one of Sawyer’s best — it’s unknown exactly how she pulled this one off. Perhaps Ashley will look smart.
“The View’s” resident shrew, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, campaigned in Florida for Republican wardrobe hog/Moose killer Sarah Palin. Word has it that when McCain/Palin loses, Sarah will be hunting for a media gig — and Hasselbitch seems a most likely partner for a FOX chat show.
Liz and Sarah took the opportunity to unveil their new slogan, “Cunty First,” with Liz showing the appropriate gesture.
On the upside, it’s nice that the stupid people support each other. I hope I don’t make Elisabitch cry.
I’m absolutely furious with my ex, Carolyn. How many times have I asked her not to let Amy watch television unsupervised? After seeing “Tyra” on “Plastic Surgery Disasters,” my imaginary daughter Amy, 6, now wants a gastric bypass, saying, “It’s not that expensive if we get it in Singapore, Ricky.”
That’s my angel at the Ventura County Fair earlier this month, where her mother bought her cotton candy, which I reminded Carolyn was not one of the food exchanges on the diabetic diet, to which she replied, “She only had one.”
Here’s Carolyn at the pool this summer, showing off her spectacular weight loss.
Mazel Tov! Pregnant man Thomas Beatie and wife Nancy are the proud parents of a healthy baby girl.
But let’s take a second to think about the courage of this happy couple, who braved a million punchlines while opening up America’s eyes to questions of gender, love and parenting.
And thanks to Oprah, we know exactly what kind of genitals she has — um, Beatie. Oprah’s genitals haven’t been revealed. Not yet, anyway, but the season opener for September hasn’t yet been announced!
Scientology’s wackadoodle spokeshetero, Tom Cruise, has agreed to jump on Oprah’s couch again next week, declaring his love for prisoner Katie, alien life form Suri, and of course, himself.
Get ready for another hour of crazed laughter, vacant stares and fawning! Jump for joy! Jump for Xenu! Meanwhile, his stupid Hitler movie was delayed… again. Just what the world needs, another Hitler movie.
