famine

Today is a day of beauty, and no finer examples than heiress Tori Spelling, TV Guide hostess Lisa Rinna and “Millionaire Matchmaker” Patti Stanger are our subjects.

Miss Tori is celebrating the release of her book, “Mommywood,” and I suspect that it details how she is now made of wood and has been whittling away at her once normal frame until she’s nearly the width of a picture frame. Still, her natural blonde hair cascades to her solid shoulders. Her eyes have the luster of malnutrition, which has apparently caused her fingernails to turn black. Top it off with a smear of red lipstick and you’ve got that emacialicious look!


Also in attendance at Tori’s book event was a freshly cheeky Lisa Rinna, the babbling hostess of TV Guide whose red carpet good cheer nearly always ruins mine. Those standing close to her reported hearing cracking and pulling sounds akin to the sound effects in “Titanic,” which caused them to take cover behind Yenta amazon Patti Stanger.

Stanger’s compelling matchmaking program relates her simple theory that for a woman to catch herself a millionaire, she must flat iron her hair, wear stiletto heels and condense her breasts with such stricture so as to cause a millionaire’s money to come flying out of his wallet. Stanger’s lipliner and eyebrows accentuate her natural beauty, in the same way that it does for the Mexican gang girls who cashier at the Dollar Tree store on Van Nuys Blvd.

American beauties, all!

Photos: Getty

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