Lindsay Lohan (left) as seen yesterday in an L.A. courtroom where the judge checked up on her parole, and a 1965 Glamour Misty from the Ideal Toy Corporation (right).

One has atrocious man-made hair, painted eyebrows and plastic lips. Look at her.

Angelina Jolie successfully hides behind a microphone stand while dressed as a Red Cross worker who escaped from a 1960s sci-fi movie, but managed to grab a lipstick.

George Clooney won for Best Actor in “The Descendants,” and proved that adorable has a shelf life.

Meryl Streep was, surprise, Best Actress for “Iron Lady.” Ironworkers apparently welded this Harvey Girl in mourning dress for her. Viola Davis is “her girl.”

Madonna. No time to do her roots. Too busy doing flexes.

Sarah Michelle Gellar revealed on the red carpet that her toddler daughter picked out this dress for mommy… from the Jerry Garcia Memorial Collection at SEARS. Piper Perabo washed out in the “before” version of the same frock.

Sofia Vergara was Deco perfection in Vera Wang, revealing that she made two trips to the gym a day to fit into this spectacular number.

“Bridesmaids” star Melissa McCarthy revealed that she made two trips to the fridge a night to fit into her green sheath. Work! Paula Patton as Chiquita Banana without hair, makeup and fruit turban.

Gerard Butler proves comedy is hard by completely blowing a joke in his flopped intro with Mila Kunis.

Best Foreign Language film winner for “The Separation,” Asghar Farhadi proves that comedy is easy when he says that Iranians are “loving.”

Reese Witherspoon with her roots. You can take the girl out of Santa Barbara, but you can’t put her in this dress without a hairdo and makeup.

Queen Latifah… there may be a sequin shortage for the Oscars. She looks good in drag, but desperately needs a big ass wig. Sorry, no other big ass joke.

Kate Winslet, simple but elegant “Mildred Pierce” daywear. Too bad this wasn’t lost in the fire at Richard Branson’s house.

Ricky Gervais managed to get all the Scientologists not to show up. Thanks! He clearly spent more time promoting the show than writing it. I predict he won’t be back.

Getty

Gosh, this is great… Joan smacks some sense into Rick Santorum! If only!

From the brilliant mind of Gay Carrington!

via Gay Carrington

I told you about it last week… and here they come. Even more plastic than the real-life Kardashians… their Barbies are forthcoming from Mattel.

Hide yo kids.

Sylvester Stallone and his Danish wife Brigitte Nielsen (who was involved in a car accident last night) “back in the day,” and American Idol runner-up Adam Lambert and his Finnish boyfriend, Sauli Koskinen, who were both arrested last night for fighting outside of a club in Finland.

What would Jackie do?

Stallone’s mother, Jackie Stallone, photographed four years ago at age 86. Most of her just turned 90.

The Gabor sisters; Magda, Zsa Zsa, Eva and their mother Jolie circa 1958, and below, the Kardashians last night in Las Vegas.

Ten, nine, eight…

The Kardashianification of speech among young women was analyzed on the “Today” show today.

Linguistics experts are unsure what the long-term effects will be… but in the short-term, it will be annoying.

As seen today in Hollywood.

Oh jeeze, here we go again.

This not hot mess was sent down the runway during the Casa Blanca show at Charles Voegele Fashion Days in Zurich on Wednesday.

One should never wear a jacket and tie with shorts unless one is the 3-year-old ring bearer at a Kardashian wedding. And one should never wear yellow shorts and a pink shirt, unless one is a waiter at Jimmy Buffett’s Margaritaville Restaurant in Orlando.

In related news, a fourth gay bashing occurred Monday in West Hollywood, the fourth in as many weeks. Be careful out there.

The Image Gate/Getty

That’s the scene of the Indy300 crash in Las Vegas that killed driver Dan Wheldon… his car is on the far left, just becoming airborne.

Is it some mystery to people that driving tiny cars with open wheels at speeds over 200mph around a misshapen track is going to perhaps be a little tricky?

All this “shock” about the crash… “stunned observers.” I mean, what the hell did they think was going to happen?

It escapes me why any of this racing is entertaining to people. Cars zooming around and around a track. Wow. Scintillating.

I don’t even like driving on the Hollywood Freeway, let alone around a track at 200.

These people CHOOSE to do this. What the hell for?