It’s not looking good for you. You’re 84, you’re THE POPE, and you haven’t yet learned what Jesus taught. I expect a little better from someone who had the sense to get the heck out of the Hitler Youth.
Let me make it simple for you, Your Holiness. Gay marriage is not a threat to the family. Snooki is a threat to the family. Kim Kardashian is a threat to the family. Trans fats, high fructose corn syrup and Newt Gingrich are a threat to the family. Faygelehs? Only a threat to bad decor… and not all of them.
Since I have your attention, you might want to talk to your tailor about updating your look. Those glittery robes and pointy hats are so 2nd century.
There are only half a million gay marriages in the US. There are 76 million American Express cardholders. I’d be concerned about that.
When you look at all the things that ail mankind (and I don’t mean Catholicism), the persecution of the legal coupling of people who would like to have privileges that they pay for others to have, and calling it a threat to the familly, seems a bit like saying that dinner mints are a threat to civilization. Okay, maybe the ones with jelly in them.
I’ll try to say it like Jesus did, or better yet, I’ll let Him say it:
I give you a new commandment:
Love one another;
just as I have loved you,
you also must love one another. (John 13:34)
Pope Benny, 84, is propped up on a riser at a mass for Latin America in St. Peter’s Basilica, marking the feast day of Our Lady of Guadalupe on December 12.
On December 9, 1531, an Aztec peasant named Juan Diego had a vision of Guadalupe, who asked him if he would kindly build a church in the Tepeyac desert near Mexico City. Juan told the local bishop, who wanted proof.
Guadalupe appeared to Juan again, and offered roses on a mountaintop in winter as proof, which he carried to the bishop in his apron. When he dropped the flowers, her image was on the fabric. Kinda like this toaster press.
Juan’s apron is visited by millions every year. The toaster press is available here.
The lovely red shoes, embroidered robe and lace slip of Pope Benny XVI, as seen at an intimate mass for 70,000 at Olympiastadion in Berlin on Thursday.
Oh, look who’s wearing the papal cross… it’s Kate Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, who buttoned up in this holy Alexander McQueen Fall 2011 ensemble for a visit to a coffee bar in Birmingham that was damaged in recent riots. Fabulously royal.
Queen Sofia of Spain and and King Juan Carlos met Pope Benny at Zarzuela Palace on Friday. Benny wore his adorable red Adriano Stefanelli flats and his caped Frette linen skirt, while Sofia opted for the hideous nude shoe trend with her cheery yellow wide-band seersucker. King JC wore his usual Frankenstein suit and shoes.
No, Pope Benny wasn’t arrested… but the Archdiocese of Philadelphia just suspended 21 Catholic priests over child sexual abuse allegations. That’s Benny arriving to the Santa Sabina Basilica in Rome for Ash Wednesday yesterday. A large protest was held in Philly yesterday.
In other church news… the Washington Post reports that “attorneys for hundreds of people who claim they were sexually molested by priests and religious brothers in the Archdiocese of Los Angeles are going before a judge to argue that confidential files on the priests should be made public.”
And here’s the capper… “The release of the files has been in dispute since the archdiocese settled more than 550 cases for a record-breaking $660 million in 2007.”
Pope Benny XVI today exonerated the Jews in the death of Jesus Christ. Thanks, Benny!
Elan Steinberg, vice-president of the American Gathering of Holocaust Survivors and their Descendants, welcomed Benny’s words. “This is a major step forward. This is a personal repudiation of the theological underpinning of centuries of anti-Semitism,” he told Reuters.
The Pope made no mention of exonerating gentiles for Spam, Oscar Mayer and Velveeta.
Pope Benny 16 put on his dancing shoes and burst into an unexpected vamp today at the Vatican, as his way of sending a greeting to the people of New Zealand.
The Vatican house band, Bad Lunchmeat, played a few bars of “The Stripper” before His Holiness shuffled off for a papal pedicure.
