Get ready to crack open ya books, or crack sumpin’, because here comes a whole lotta fun — with the new professors of RuPaul’s Drag U” set for summer school, hunty!
This year’s Superstar (for-evah!) Sharon Needles will be on the faculty, scaring up new looks for schlubs who want a change! Prof. Needles will be joined by Mama Chad Michaels, who will undoubtedly give lessons in poise and general ladylike behavior and decorum.
Sharon has your shot!
Rounding out the edumacatrixes will be bad gurl “slut” Willam, who will no doubt lose her tenure before summer school is OUT!
Other drag hags joining include giantess Raven (“It’s only tinted moisturizer”), the deliciously witty Pandora Boxx, Boston’s own Jujubee, the luscious (sarap!) Manila Luzon… (below).
Big gurls Delta Work and “MF’n” Latrice Royale also have some learnin’ for ya, plus Shannel, Mariah, Alexis Mateo, marvelous Morgan McMichaels and last year’s glamah queen, Raja!
VP of Drag Lady Bunny and her giant hair will also return, along with guest judges Donna Mills, Brittany Snow, Holly Robinson-Peete, Joely Fisher and others.
Medicated and revived superstar Britney Spears as she appeared yesterday in her debut as the new Paula Abdul on “X-Factor,” and “RuPaul’s Drag Race” winner Sharon Needles as she appeared as runner-up Chad Michaels doing Cher.
One is known for giving performances as the undead.
Sharon Needles has won RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 4, and all is right with the world. The weird boy in school, Aaron Coady of the unlikely Newton, Iowa, has been crowned — and we are all better for it. Hooray for the steel mills of Pittsburgh that forged this gorgeousness into an instant legend.
Giving a star-mix of wit and spooky fun, the face of drag is forever changed, as she joins the pantheon of ladyboy greats who sashay their way through the dragalaxy!
Congratulations to Sharon, for gallantly representing triumph over bullies, wit over anger, and gore with the glitz. She is, at once, a star in our bloody hearts!
Mom Kris Kardashian wastes no time securing more pimping deals for the Kardashian girls, and before you can say, “Pass the syrup,” Kim Kardashian is now selling pancakes, following her flour-bombing last night during a red carpet event for her new perfume.
The imbeciles of “Jersey Shore” are set for another season to begin shooting this summer, with Snooki pregnant and craving pickles and ice cream, and oh, wait, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino is in rehab. TMZ reports that he’s been sweaty and jittery of late.
Perhaps we can hope for a meth lab explosion in the house!
No, he’s not starring in a new reality show “Drag Race at Plymouth Rock’s L.A. Ink,” that’s just designer Marc Jacobs at a photo call at Paris Fashion week.
Emaciated reality widow Taylor Armstrong, mostly 40, wants to help all anorectic reality wives who have lost their husbands and gained lippage… through her new book, “Hiding from Reality; My Story of Love, Loss, and Finding the Courage from Within” or “How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Checks.”
Wearing the pained expression of Botoxed cheerfulness, Taylor is making the rounds with her new tome, having popped by various morning shows to show how she’s recovered from mourning, but still wearing her widow’s weeds… and a Breck girl hairdo rescued from a Miss Mississippi 1977 pageant.
I can’t wait to read her book. I’ll be hanging on every word.
